Last night I had to ring Luke O’Shea, and pull out of Songwriters in the Round. It’s the second time min 25 years that I have had to blow out a show. First time I was in Intensive care and I was heart broken . This time it has been a different sort of heart break. My father is dying. Since Easter this year when he was rushed to hospital for heart surgery he has gone down hill, suffering a stroke , broken hip, and now the Golden Staf has attached itself to the hip, and he hasn’t eaten for a month, so his kidneys have gone. It has been his long goodbye. I have appreciated getting the chance to spend so much time with him over this year, and my mother to. I was adopted at birth by my mum and dad , and even though we have had our moments, including my addiction and years of recovery, they have always been there for me, giving everything they can, when they could. I have lived a very different life then them, always spending my money on the rock and roll dream, and now I am confronted by the debt that has left me in and the young family that’s has been an old rock and rollers gift this year. They never understood why I didn’t just by a house! My wife is probably wishing I did to. With the birth of Little Maverick this year and February and then dad starting his journey in March, it feels since Tamworth finished I have been loving in Hospitals. Now that time is nearly over. I have told myself it’s a gift to get the chance to say goodbye to an agring parent, some do not get that chance.
The gift that came from all this was my father got to go home for about a week on the day before his 60th Wedding Anniversary. This was wonderful for my mother, and the Family.
So now we wait, hold his hand, and pray. Last night the show didn’t go on, in fact this year my heart has been broken by music, the weight of the dream I have held in my heart all my life. But the real show, the big show, life and death has gone on in all it’s roller coaster glory.
thank you to all my friends that have supported me this year through my musical depression, my parental exhaustion, and the losing on my father as I have known him. Especially my wife.
All I have for now.